Fiction

There once was an ape whose name was Jake. He lived in the zoo, and that suited him just fine. He got endless snacks, which was nice. All day the people would come and wave at him. And sometimes Jake would get a chance to scare a kid. That was a lot of fun. 

One day an unusual man came up to Jake's enclosure. He had a strange piece of metal in his hand. The man would hold up it to his mouth, then blow out a huge plume of smoke into the air. Jake was curious about the vapor, so he ambled over to get a closer look. The man seemed very excited by this.

"Hey everybody," the man yelled. "It's Harambe! This is just like... It's...Harambe."

The man looked around but no one was paying attention to him except for Jake. The man looked lonely.

"Do you know who Harambe is?" the man asked Jake, then took another puff the device in his hand. Jake laughed and clapped as the vapor poured from the man's mouth. 

"Oh you like that?" the man said, genuinely delighted. "Then watch this."

The man took a huge hit on his vaping device, and then let out a massive vapor circle into the air. Jake laughed and clapped even harder. Then the man took another big hit and blew a straight plume of vapor that shot right through the center the circle. Jake lost his mind, banging the ground and laughing and clapping his hands. The man was very pleased to have such a receptive audience. Then he looked like he had an idea and walked away.

"I'll be right back," he told Jake, who was sad to see him go.

A few minutes later the man, true to his word, came back. He was accompanied by two women who were looking at the man skeptically. Jake ran back over to the edge of his enclosure to greet the man, which made the two women let out a slight scream.

"It's ok. It's ok," the man told them. "We're buddies. Now watch this."

The man once again blew vaped out a big ring, and Jake went absolutely bananas, rolling on the ground and laughing, shrieking with excitement. 

"Oh my God," one of the women said. They were both a little less scared after seeing how much fun Jake was having. The man blew another vape ring, and Jake got even more excited. 

"He's flipping out," one woman said. 

"No way," said the man. "We're having a good time."

"Harry, stop it," the other woman said.

"Oh c'mon," said the man. "What's the worst that could happen?"

As though in answer, Jake thundered away from the man, jumped up onto his tire swing, and then climbed the rope to the top. From the bar it was attached to, he made an explosive leap over the edge of the enclosure.

"Whoa, whoa, we should go," one woman said.

"Please," said the man. "It's not like he can..."

And then Jake bounded up over the edge of a fence and landed between the man and the two women, who immediately screamed and ran away. Chaos broke out in the zoo as all the patrons sprinted as fast as they could to get away. The man stood there, frozen. Then Jake reached out his hand, and the man realized he had to offer up his vaping device. Jake snatched it and ran, bouncing and climbing his way over several obstacles and back into his enclosure.

There Jack sat, thoughtfully vaping, trying to figure out how to blow rings for hours, while his handlers debated how they were going to get him to quit.